From cultural abduction to gender advocate

We Will Speak Out and Faith Action to End GBV Collective held part one of a two-part series on Embracing Traditional Culture and Faith in Life-giving Ways: A Personal and Professional Journey
Sibongile Mtungwa, Director at the Women’s Leadership and Training Programme (WLTP), KwaZulu-Natal led an open discussion where she shared her story and insights on culture, Christianity and the empowerment of women.
Sibongile grew up in a rural area under the loving care of her grandmother who laid a strong Christian foundation and love for education in her, and in a community where purity and marriage was revered. She attended workshops by the WLTP where she started to see the world in a different way and saw that as a young woman she had choices in her life.
All this changed one fateful day when she was on her way to fetch water. She had broken up with her boyfriend who then came with four men who abducted her.
“I was taken to his home, and I thought he would take my virginity and I would not be able to go home. I thought I would have to be his wife. All my dreams died.”
This didn’t happen. Her grandmother walked nine kilometres to his house and disturbed the scene, saying, “We are Christians. We don’t abduct for marriage.” This worked and Sibongile was set free.
Over the next year, Sibongile saw that despite family discussions, he had not changed.
“I made the final decision to leave him. I fled the area and for two years I was in hiding in South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda.” This she managed through the networks of WLPT. During this time, drawing inspiration from her grandmother’s love for education, she did courses to gain knowledge and skills.
A further trauma awaited her after her dowry was paid in another relationship. Another abduction attempt.
“I was at a function of about a hundred people and a group of men tried to push me into a van. I was on my own and I have never fought so hard in my life. All my clothes were torn. I don’t know how, but I escaped.”
The law did not protect her. When she tried to get a protection order, she was told “because he has paid the dowry, you’ll have to keep running.”
Sibongile lost relationships with family and community, some of which have not been mended today. Some people asked why run away as you were “lucky” to get married.
The journey of healing still continues today as she said she was nervous sharing her story to the group even though she has done so many times, and that she sometimes still gets angry when she thinks about what happened to her.
The healing began as she leaned into her Christian foundation and went back to her culture. It took seven years to develop a programme with WLTP to work with the structures in her community.
“We were told that traditional leaders would never talk to us and indeed at the beginning they were defensive but now they are our biggest allies!”
Constant dialogue, workshopping and framing the issues has led to success which is slow and steady.
“We engaged traditional leaders and other stakeholders to say that marriage is life-giving but it is killing our young brides. We raise the issue of abducted girls who should be at school who then contract HIV. We say that in both Christianity and culture, purity and marriage are important so why does it have to be forced and not peaceful and harmonious.”
WLTP uses Paulo Freire’s methodology in workshops which is centred on facilitating dialogue on very focused themes through short skits, song, picture or poem.
“Even though abduction is decreasing in the area, we are seeing new ways occurring where families take their daughters who are no longer virgins or who are pregnant to the man’s family and leave them there till they’ve been paid for.”
A key issue is working with girls to avoid teenage pregnancies. WLTP has trained 300 peer trainers and over a period of three years are seeing that with support and knowledge, young women can make their own choices. Of this group, there have only been four teenage pregnancies.
“Our aim is for girls to have a vision beyond marriage which includes education. We need to de-code the scriptures for this day and age. This needs guidance as leaders.”
Sibongile says that in a capitalist system, young and old do not engage but through the WLTP work they are seeing this happen where people “find each other”.
Drawing on culture and tradition where water is an essential element of rituals and daily life, WLTP developed a project with mothers and daughters at the streams, using water to connect and “see each other”. This radically changes the narrative of girls and young women being abducted on the way to fetch water.
Of course, this work must involve boys and men. There is a new two-year project which involves traditional leaders and men’s structures which includes developing a policy and creating accountability mechanisms.
“We also challenge older women and their role in purity and marriage by asking who’s side they are on.”
On a personal note, Sibongile said that when she met her now husband she realised that not all men are the same and that she could learn to trust. He respected her decision to be a virgin when she got married as he said “you told me it is important for you, your grandmother and your people.”