By Dr Leonora Alberts Vilakazi
The pursuit of gender equality is fundamentally a collective endeavour. While the movement has historically been led by women, achieving genuine, systemic gender justice requires the active, conscious, and accountable participation of men. We Will Speak Out SA (WWSOSA) and the Faith Action Collective to End GBV recently ran a campaign on #mencoachingforgenderjustice which explores positive role models and their impact on families, workplaces and communities. Men’s coaching for gender justice is not a peripheral initiative; it is a necessity for dismantling patriarchy and addressing the profound, often hidden, costs this system imposes on all genders.
Understanding Toxic Masculinity and Its Dual Cost
The concept of toxic masculinity is central to this work. It is crucial to distinguish it from masculinity itself.
Toxic masculinity is the harmful, restrictive performance of manhood built on rigid rules: dominance, aggression, emotional suppression, and aversion to anything perceived as “feminine.” It is the pressure to conform to this ideal that generates immense suffering.
Costs Imposed on Men
Emotional Suppression and Illiteracy: The cultural mandate to be “strong and stoic” denies men a healthy emotional life.
This emotional illiteracy is a direct contributor to elevated rates of:
Anxiety and depression.
Substance abuse.
Suicide—a critical public health crisis among men.
Violence and Health Risks: The association of manhood with aggression and reckless risk-taking is not heroic; it is dangerous. It fuels higher rates of incarceration, violence perpetrated against others, and dangerous health behaviours.
Coaching seeks to reframe courage from physical aggression to moral courage and responsible action.
Imposed Isolation: The competitive, stoic nature of toxic masculinity actively discourages deep, vulnerable connection, leading to a profound lack of deep, intimate male friendships. This isolation is a silent epidemic, which programmes like Positive Masculinity training aim to combat by building empathy and emotional intelligence.
Costs Imposed on Society
This restrictive performance of manhood is the engine of gender inequality, perpetuating sexism, violence, and discriminatory structures that harm women, girls, and gender-diverse individuals. The wounds of patriarchy are borne by everyone, making the healing of men a societal imperative.
The Shift: From Passive ‘Allyship’ to Accountable Partnership
The historical burden of fixing gender inequality has unfairly fallen on women.
This transformation occurs across three essential phases: personal, interpersonal, and institutional.
1. Internalising the Problem (Personal Reflection)
Some men view gender inequality as purely a “women’s issue” or a purely bureaucratic “HR problem.”
It is important that men internalise their own role in perpetuating and benefiting from the system. This requires a critical, honest examination of:
Unearned Privilege: Acknowledging the automatic advantages being a man confers in areas like pay, promotion, physical safety, and societal respect. This privilege is a structural advantage, not a personal achievement.
The Power Dynamic: Recognising that challenging sexism necessitates the voluntary relinquishing of unearned power and control.
This is especially relevant in professional settings and the home, where men often unconsciously default to dominance.
2. Skill-Building for Intervention (Bystander Action)
Agreement that sexism is wrong is insufficient; men must be equipped to stop it.
Bystander intervention training addresses the common feeling of paralysis or fear men experience when witnessing harmful acts.
This training moves solidarity from a private belief to a public act. It provides clear, practical scripts and techniques that teach men how to safely and effectively interrupt misogynistic, homophobic, or transphobic behaviour from their peers (the core of challenging harmful behaviour). This shifts the risk and the responsibility away from the victim and onto the peer who has the social capital to intervene effectively.
3. Institutionalising Change (Leadership and Advocacy)
For change to be systemic and durable, men must use their existing, often disproportionate, structural power to advocate for equity. This is the ultimate goal of leadership and advocacy.
This involves proactive, rather than reactive, engagement:
Sponsorship over Mentorship: Instead of waiting for diverse candidates to struggle, men in leadership must actively sponsor women and marginalised colleagues, ensuring they have the visibility, key assignments, and access to career-defining opportunities that lead to promotion.
Championing Policy: Advocacy must translate into concrete, institutional rules. Men must champion policies like equitable parental leave, pay transparency, and robust anti-harassment protocols. This embeds the principles of gender justice into the organisation’s very structure, ensuring they survive beyond any single leader’s tenure.
Global Frameworks: A Human Rights and Public Health Issue
The necessity of engaging men is not a niche corporate training trend but a global imperative. Initiatives like the MenEngage Alliance and MenCare demonstrate that this work must be framed through the lens of human rights and public health. The Faith Action Collective working group on Men and Fathers tackles this from a structural, spiritual and person perspective, highlighting the necessary holistic approach.
When men are trained to be empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and accountable, it reduces domestic violence, improves child well-being, and elevates health outcomes for entire communities.
The journey for men is one of unlearning harm, accepting responsibility, and committing to shared power. By dismantling the strictures of toxic masculinity, men free themselves to live richer, more authentic lives, and in doing so, they become essential partners in creating a truly just and equitable world for all.
