By Rev Seth Naicker

Fatherhood. What is your fatherhood about, what is it lived out as? For many men, and fathers, we see ourselves as the ones who must make things happen, we are in charge, we must earn, we must conquer, we must be the big chiefs of our families. It is truly tragic how boys, men, and fathers are socialised and groomed into a toxic culture of masculinity, and sense of self-worth.

Is it possible that men and fathers can be caring, kind, compassionate? Is it possible that men and fathers can share the load of having to provide for their families? Is it possible that men and fathers have partners who are coworkers, co-earners, co-providers and collaborators together for the wellbeing of children, their families and communities? Is it possible that men and fathers are called to understand that they are made in the image of God – called to resist patriarchy, toxic masculinity and seek a more equitable and God inspired way of being.

If we say, yes it is possible, then we must consider why are we stuck in a culture of fatherhood, and manhood that even men who are so called strong, even they cannot live up to the status of the dominating, money machining, rage rolling, man of steal stereotypes that are maintained and upheld by our society. It is unfortunate to find theologies, and faith-inspired ideologies, and practices that reinforce this macho man, toxic masculine manhood and fatherhood reality.

I am grateful for the covenant love partner with whom I am blessed to share my life. I am grateful for our children that we parent together, where we are talking together, reasoning together and sharing the joys and burdens of life together. I am not an island unto myself, on my ace, doing as I please, when I want, if I want, and exist aloof from my call to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God.

As men and fathers, we are in need of soul change, heart change, mindset change, and spiritual change in our understanding of who God has created us to be. May we see more and more sons return to God our creator as the prodigal son returned home to his father’s, may we return to God who sees us from far off, and comes over to us, embraces us and let’s us know that we are not alone. May we arise in faith, hope and love as men and fathers to counter a modern culture of violence and gender violence that is commonplace. May we arise as men and fathers who are determined to entrust our lives into the embrace of God who sees us, knows us and cares for us deeply and says to us, “You can make it, I believe in you.”