By Quinton Pretorius

When you show up with care, you shape what boys and girls see as possible. As men who choose to learn, listen, question harmful norms, and act with purpose, you show that change grows from daily choices.

This week, I shared my story during a leadership session with a corporate group. I spoke about growing up in a home marked by violence. I watched my mom face repeated attacks from my stepdad. We moved often. We tried to start again. Money ran out. Hunger grew. My brother sold what he could. My stepdad found us. He made promises. We returned. A short calm period followed. Then drinking. Then violence. We ran again. This cycle lasted close to eight years.

A participant asked how I broke the cycle. I hold this question with care because my path will differ from someone else’s path. Still, a few things shaped my direction.

* My faith helped me understand my worth. It grounded my healing and formed my sense of identity.

* I chose to surround myself with men who hold me accountable. They challenge me when my actions drift from my values. You grow into the habits of the people around you.

* I found positive role models. Even though my stepdad failed to guide me, I saw other men show steady kindness, responsibility, and respect. Their example showed me another way to live.

You can play this role too. Your choices can interrupt harm. Your presence can set a standard for boys and men who watch you. When you choose patience, honesty, and respect, you help build safe homes and strong families.

Can I invite you to ask yourself how you show up? Ask who you learn from. Ask what you model for others. Your daily actions create the culture your community carries into the future.